Daikanyama, Toyama, Omotesando, Ebisu and Nakameguro. For the more mature or professional: Omotesando, Toyama, Roppongi note: And for some more specific niches: Akihabara is the spiritual home of male geeks. Shimbashi, Akasaka and Yurakucho are the haunts of salarymen.
A true cheapo, however, knows far more cost-effective ways of finding a potential mate. Perhaps the best opportunities come in the form of festivals or matsuri , of which there are an abundance in Tokyo, especially in the summer also the season of fireworks.
Check out our events pages , or better yet sign up for our cheapo weekend newsletter and get the hottest Tokyo event listings delivered to your inbox each week. On weekends during hanami season, Yoyogi Park is a veritable zoo resembling some sort of deranged music festival in which all the performers, bands, organizers and security failed to turn up. But most parks and locations of sakura cherry blossom trees are usually teeming with punters and festivity.
Need we say more? Last but not least, house parties are always a great and cheap environment for making new friends. Due to the lack of space and the noise prohibitions, few households throw parties, but there are some exceptions. Tokyo is without doubt one of the safest cities on the planet at least in terms of crime; earthquakes, tsunami and Godzilla notwithstanding. And there are many tales of the police being uncooperative in helping tourists trying to file crime reports, etc.
One possible exception is host bars. The intrepid can take advantage of these deals, but a few rules of thumb: Or perhaps you just fancy a change from the aforementioned pokey apartment. As a rule, the cheapest place is never the first one you come to. Another consideration with love hotels is that you often end up getting what you pay for—the absolute cheapest option is often a poor value proposition, so paying slightly more than the minimum will get you considerably better value.
Some hotels offer point cards—though you might want to keep your card to yourself if you are taking multiple paramours to the same spot. But first, an important disclaimer: What karaoke booths do have going for them is that they have actual doors and ceilings, as opposed to manga cafe booths, which tend toward open-ceiling-ed cubicles with half doors that are easy to peer over or under.
Also, karaoke will muffle any suspect sounds, while the manga cafes are much quieter and lack actual walls. For the naturalist cheapo, Tokyo provides fewer outdoor options than most cities, but there are some good spots if you know where to look. A certain number of apartment blocks have no main access door, so you can just walk in and head straight for the roof.
And then there are cemeteries—people the world over are frightened to venture into the resting places of the dead after dark, so a big graveyard may just make the perfect spot for some privacy in the early hours. Bridges over major roads are also strategic, as road signs provide ample cover from the cars below, and pedestrians—if any at 4am—are probably too drunk or tired to be of any concern.
They also have a decent selection of sex toys, from dancing with yourself vibrators, Fleshlights, etc. Here are some cheap and free STI clinics in Tokyo:. Free STI testing twice a month. Consent is not something that should get lost in translation. Tokyo and the people who inhabit it are not a playground; in all matters, proceed with explicit consent only! Tokyo flea markets are a great for bargain-hunting, pick up a new kimono or snag a new book on a shoestring!
One note of caution regarding Japanese house parties…unlike the Western concept, which is basically: Sometimes the host has done a brilliant job of catering to their guests and you feel the cost is legit, other times you feel cheated after paying yen for some cans of beer and snack food from the conbini.
Always best to check before going to a house party whether you will be expected to pay. You can pick up reasonably priced wines at Seiyu department store. OK, so Australians walk around drinking from the bottle while our guest of an unspecified nationality pours the wine from a perfectly good glass bottle into a plastic water bottle. I think the Australian approach makes more sense to me! We do the same in China, fear not. The most she did leading up to that was stroke my crotch through my pants.
The worst or best, depending on the perspective part was that we had to stop right after our pants were both off when her parents walked into the apartment, which I had found out wasn't hers and her sisters' alone I also found out she was lying about her age, she had dropped out of high school early and she had a fascination with Avril Lavigne and surfing. She mostly seemed to care about the novelty of my race, she liked the idea of dating a foreigner, but the more I learned about Japanese relationships in this day, the more I didn't want to have anything to do with her.
Luckily we both broke off fairly shortly after that because we didn't agree on scheduling seriously. Japanese couples, if they do not attend the same school, tend to be pretty distant. There are of course exceptions. They do not talk everyday as far as I learned, and they only want to see each other once or twice a month; this bit of information was given to me by Natsumi, the girl mentioned above. I wasn't really up for a once-a-month meet up, and as far as I could tell she was seeking sex more than anything, as she had confided in me that she broke up with her last two boyfriends because of the lack of sex.
She told me "they just want to lie there and complain. The second Japanese girl I went on a date with was a girl from my school's english club. Probably one of the sweeter, more honest and compelling people I've met in Japan, I still have her on facebook to this day.
It was pretty awkward, though, I tried socializing as much as I could but there wasn't much connection as she was a bookworm; her school program actually made her study throughout the weekend. We talked about music, food and our future. She confided to me that she would like "half" children, meaning half Japanese and half fair skinned, I think that was mostly the reason for why we went out.
I was pretty entrenched in Japanese culture by this time, so I had mastered the art of being dubious and indirect, and we both expressed something along the lines of, "Yeah, we really know when we meet someone that we click with, sometimes the magic just isn't there" in our own separate ways. All in all a neutral, learning experience.
Anyway, that's my experience. I should probably mention that a lot of the interaction was done through texting, and that's typically how I warmed up to most Japanese people in my time in Tokyo. I read a long report by a western caucasian woman who lived in Japan for a while, she had some pretty fascinating things to say.
What stuck with me was how sex was different - the woman was expected to be totally disengaged and submissive, but not even submissive in the way that western porn stars are. Submissive, like they would lay there and appear to be feeling nothing. She said that when she tried to have sex with guys "Western style," they'd be emasculated and feel like they were the woman.
She also said that you have to shower before having sex. Like, immediately before , and in a place where the other person can hear it happening, so they really know you're clean. Seems like it would take the spontaneity out of things, doesn't it? Found the original, by a livejournal user named Supacat: I don't want tuna!
I want to give some contrast to the folks saying that Japanese parents generally aren't cool with their children dating foreigners. I studied abroad in Japan the following school year and got to meet her and her family a few times. They were all super enthused that I was trying to learn the language and culture, and her father strongly implied that he wanted his daughter and I to be long-term. It didn't seem to bother him in the least that I was a skinny white guy. I think if you make a sincere effort to meet people halfway or more across a cultural divide, they'll do the same for you.
This goes for dating and everything else. As a black guy, I can tell you my girlfriends parents wanted nothing to do with me. I haven't dated in Japan, but I'm an American who's living here and can give some insight into what some differences appear to be when compared to the US.
First of all, any type of PDA is super rare. I have never seen any couples kiss in public both Japanese and interracial with one SO being Japanese. This is certainly the most obvious difference between dating in America and in Japan: The other foreigners I'm friends with who have Japanese girlfriends tend to have a hard time being accepted by Japanese parents, but parents being unwilling to accept their child's relationship with someone of a different nationality is not specific to Japan.
However, there is a tendency for foreigners to come and marry a Japanese native to get a spousal visa and stay here indefinitely. Lastly, and of course this is just my observation from my friends in relationships with Japanese women, the women tend to still take on a traditional house maker role that seems to have faded away in the states.
The women I have seen in relationships are much less independent than women in the US and seem much more accepting of this role society has given them. Of course, this is not intended to be a generalization for all people in relationships here, this is just what I've gathered from what my fellow foreign friends and coworkers have told me and what I've seen for myself. I hope this helps you. I don't know, it depends on what you consider PDA. I see way more couples holding hands around here than I did back in the states.
I've never been romantically involved with a Japanese dude, but I've had lots of friends and roommates from Japan. Someone else on here mentioned the concept of "saving face. They don't want you feel to embarrassed that you asked them to hang out and they don't want to.
Sooo, they lie and then stand you up! It's whatever, plenty of jerky Americans do the exact same thing. Then call and all I hear is "uuunnnn I am a white woman living in Japan. Because I don't live in a big city, foreigners are seen as a novelty for the most part. There has only been one guy that I have dated here, but it was an interesting experience. For the most part, I avoid going out to bars and clubs because men tend to see my white skin and imagine me as all of their foreign women fantasies.
News also spreads fast in small towns, so if anything happened, I would have a bad reputation. I can't speak for anyone who isn't white, but there tends to be a glorification of white foreign women at least. We are considered more sexy and exotic. The guy I dated pursued me pretty heavily before I said yes. Again, to avoid a bad reputation if anything bad were to happen, we didn't go out around my small town.
He was very sweet and a good guy overall. But the biggest issue was that he wouldn't communicate with me. He internalized all his issues and eventually broke up with me because he couldn't handle the pressures of school and having a girlfriend.
He said that he still liked me a lot, but if he didn't study hard enough to pass a test by the end of this year, he would regret it for the rest of his life. He is a last year medical student, so unlike normal university students in Japan, he has to study a lot normal university students had to study very hard to get into school and pass the entrance exam, but graduating is easy.
He also seemed to have unrealistic expectations of what dating a foreign woman would be like. When I turned out to be a real, living, breathing person with my own issues, he started to distance himself a bit. I can't really break down the Japanese dating experience into simpler terms because everyone will have different experiences.
I can say that Japanese culture discourages being outspoken, especially about your own issues. Anything that you are dealing with is considered your own fault to an extent and should be dealt with internally.
A general icebreaker in any social situation is drinking. But not in the way that people drink in the U. People tend to drink to get drunk. After a few drinks, they are able to communicate with people they are interested in. Basically, men and women are separated from a young age and told how they are different.
Because of this, people don't tend to have a lot of friends who are the opposite gender. They meet at work and when they go out to bars, but if people see a man and a woman hanging out, people assume they are a couple. Foreign men and women will definitely have dramatically different experiences though. Men find it easier to get an attractive woman who will be interested in dating them. Because Japanese culture expects women to be more submissive, many Japanese women act this way in relationships.
The Japanese men who have asked me out have been the more outspoken, loud, rude ones who think it will be interesting to date a foreign woman. One man asked me out by saying "yeah, so I broke up with my girlfriend earlier this week, so we should go out. I have only known 2 or 3 foreign women personally who have been able to hold down a stable relationship with a Japanese man in Japan.
On the other hand, almost every foreign man I know in Japan has a Japanese girlfriend or a wife. I've been in this thread reading for like 20 minutes, turns out this post and subreddit was made by Aziz Ansari? This post was really interesting though, I've always wondered about stuff like this.
I've taken some Japanese classes so I was already aware, to some degree, what social interactions are like there, but obviously my, like, intro to japanese teachers didn't really talk about sex and dating. I am an early 30s American woman living in Japan.