In my humble opinion, this is a terrible, horrible, ridiculously self-defeating strategy for getting laid. It results in far too much self-edited performance, preconceptions, and assumptions. All of this adds up to one thing for me: Creating opportunities for chance and serendipity is more likely to result in a good night of fun than trying to control the situation ever will. Or, to put it more simply: OKCupid gets me data; Craigslist gets me laid.
So how do you do it? The same way you land a good job: You put yourself out there and post an ad. Not the posts that you want to respond to. Your odds of getting laid through that route are way too slim. Read the posts by people who are kinda similar to you and are already asking for what you want.
Draft an ad that sets you apart. The writing quality in Craiglist ads varies wildly, so start with clean grammar and a writing style that shows a bit of personality. Take your time, and get each word exactly right. You need to mention…. Keep each of these points brief and deliberate. You can get into the rest of it over pillow talk. Craigslist will walk you through the process. Just make sure you put it in the right section perhaps Casual Encounters: Go do something productive for twenty minutes, like make dinner.
You took the time to be different and interesting in your post; the least they can do is acknowledge something special in their response to you. This may be a small percentage of your total responses. Just focus on these emails. Are they comfortable speaking openly? Do they seem to speak your language? Hopefully, after two or three hours of collecting replies, at least one email has you intrigued.
If none of them look interesting yet, check back tomorrow. Take the same care in your reply as you took in your original post. Acknowledge some of the details they shared, share a few more details of your own including your first name and a photo, if it feels right , and end with a flirtatious question that will keep the conversation going.
Once they get back to you, you should have enough details to trust your gut on whether this is a good idea. If it is, make a date. Plan a safe call! Well, it's obviously a euphemism for something else. Many of the ads that weren't from scammers were from prostitutes.
The ads are so obvious that it's surprising the euphemisms are effective in fending off law enforcement. Then again, maybe they are law enforcement. Amidst all those failures, I had one near-success. A woman wrote in response to my sweet "cuddling first" ad saying she was in town for only a couple of months, and that she was frustrated she couldn't find a relationship. When she sent her pictures, she looked plain but attractive. We exchanged a couple of e-mails over the course of two hours, tossing back and forth lists of interests and the like.
She made it clear that she wanted to meet up, and while she talked about starting slow, it was clear that it would indeed be a casual encounter. But when I suggested a time to meet — the last message from me before I would reveal myself and back out — there was no reply.
At least, not yet. The next day, she e-mailed me saying she was deeply apologetic and that she'd fallen asleep. She said she'd like to meet up sometime. So yes, there are women on Craigslist. Well, at least one! You've probably guessed by now that the experiences for heterosexual men and women on Craigslist's casual encounters are quite different.
I observed that for every ad a woman posts, there are at least 20 from men. If nothing else, that imbalance ought to alter the experience. To get the female perspective, I did two things: I posted a fake ad as a woman to see what kinds of responses I would get, and I interviewed two women who have had success hooking up on casual encounters in the past. As for potential suitors, I asked only that they supply a photo and "be attractive and not creepy.
There was a five minute delay before my ad appeared, then I started receiving about one response per minute. Most of them were careful to say "I don't do this often. Some sent pictures of themselves naked along with the word "Hi. There were a lot of expressions of sympathy over my fake breakup. I was hearing from men of all types, and it seemed I had my pick of the litter.
After about thirty minutes, though, my post was flagged for removal. I thought I'd made it look legit, but as we learned earlier, folks have good reason to be hawkish about scammers. After the end of my test run with Craigslist casual encounters, I decided to get more insight into the female experience with the site by interviewing two women who said they had successes meeting up with men on Casual Encounters. Their problem was the opposite of mine.
They had too many options to pick from, but they both dealt with the numerous choices in the same way. Both women ultimately responded to men who they felt put effort into writing long, personal messages as opposed to quick notes. Multiple paragraphs of insightful and relatable prose won out — but only after the initial test of physical appearance.
Both said they immediately eliminated men who opened with pictures of genitalia — a very common practice. However, looks were important. One of the women I interviewed said she once had a crush on a client at her job, but couldn't make a move without compromising her professionalism. However, she was looking through Casual Encounters and saw an ad from a man, and she recognized his writing style — it was her old client!
She sent him a message to see if it was him, asking a question only he would be able to answer. He proved his identity and they ended up hooking up. One of the women said she would go to Casual Encounters when she was looking for a very specific sexual experience — something you can't always count on from a one night stand that starts at a club or bar. The other said her reasons could be summed up as "curiosity, boredom, and convenience.
The trick is to keep an open mind and not have any real expectations. At the very least, it's mildly entertaining. After all this exploration, I'll say that Craigslist casual encounters is a place where people go to find very specific things from each other that they might not be able to conveniently locate in the real world. Some of those things are very alternative.
It's a last, best hope for some people who are looking to make a personal connection, but it's full of spam, unwanted attention, crime, and, well You might not find what you're looking for, but you're sure to find something interesting regardless.
Image courtesy of iStockphoto , nights , geotrac. Samuel Axon is a digital content producer in New York City. He has worked as an editor at Engadget, Mashable and the Joystiq network, and currently leads content strategy as Editorial Director at Sprout Social. We're using cookies to improve your experience. Click Here to find out more. Entertainment Like Follow Follow. The Experiment I began with a listing announcing myself to the women of my city.
Barking Up the Wrong Tree All the responses I got from real people on my first day weren't from women — they were from men.
But where were they? I was only getting messages from gay or bisexual men!.. 30 Jul Site wanting to meet for sex looking for friends to kick with i love hard. Himself it's like should want to take the chance of that dream girl you've. By clicking the link below you confirm that you are 18 or older and understand personals may include adult content. women seeking men · Safer sex greatly. 3 Apr "Craigslist didn't just help me figure out I was queer — it helped me figure once gathered to discuss and meet for sex, and where sex workers could sorting out who I wanted to sleep with, because Craigslist didn't just help.
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